You know the feeling. It’s 3 p.m., or maybe 9 p.m. You’ve been “good” all day. You had the protein smoothie; you had the salad with chicken breast. But now, your brain is hyper-focused on one thing: the cookies in the pantry.
You tell yourself, “I shouldn’t have them. Sugar is bad. If I start, I won’t stop.”
But the urge gets louder. Finally, you break. You don’t just eat one cookie; you eat five, maybe the whole row, quickly and with a heavy dose of guilt. You criticize yourself for your lack of willpower. You promise yourself you’ll “start over” tomorrow.
This cycle is exhausting. But here is the truth that diet culture hides from you: You aren’t addicted to sugar. You’re stuck in a restrict-binge cycle.
The ‘Pink Elephant’ in the room
There’s a psychological phenomenon that helps explain why we obsess over “forbidden” foods. It’s often called the “Pink Elephant Effect.”
If I tell you, “Do not, under any circumstances, think about a pink elephant,” what is the first image that pops into your mind? A pink elephant, of course.
Here’s the thing: the human brain is wired to hyper-focus on scarcity. When you label a food as “off-limits” or “bad,” your brain tags it as a high-value, scarce resource. It heightens your awareness of that food and increases your desire for it. This isn’t a lack of willpower; it is a biological survival mechanism.
And the scarcity mindset can be even stronger if you’ve ever experienced food insecurity because of lack of money or other reasons. These other reasons could include your parents putting you on a diet or enforcing strict food rules, such as not allowing desserts in the house. It could also include the insecurity that comes from cycling on and off diets.
The science of habituation
So, how do we break the cycle? It sounds counterintuitive, but the answer is unconditional permission to eat.
This concept, which the core element in the Intuitive Eating Principle “Make Peace with Food,” relies on a psychological principle called habituation. Habituation is essentially “getting bored” of a stimulus after repeated exposure.
Think about it this way: Remember a song you absolutely loved when it first came out? You listened to it on repeat. You got a hit of dopamine every time. But after hearing it 500 times, the novelty wore off. You might still like the song, but you no longer feel a frantic need to hear it immediately.
Food works the same way.
When you know you can have the chocolate whenever you want — for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, today, tomorrow, and forever — the urgency dissipates. The chocolate becomes just chocolate. It loses its power over you.
[1]‘But won’t I just eat cookies all day?’
This is the number one fear I hear from clients. “I can’t give myself permission. If I do, I’ll eat nothing but donuts forever.”
I hear you, and I validate that fear…but the evidence suggests otherwise.
When you first remove the restrictions, you might experience a “honeymoon phase” where you DO eat more of those previously forbidden foods. This is normal — it’s your body testing the trust. It’s waiting to see if you’re going to take the food away again.
But once your body trusts that the supply is unlimited and truly unconditional, two things happen:
- The cravings decrease. You realize you don’t have to eat it all right now, because it will still be there later.
- Body wisdom kicks in. You start to notice how specific foods actually make you feel. You might realize that while cookies taste good, eating only cookies makes you feel sluggish or gives you a headache. You naturally start to crave variety — not because you “should,” but because you want to feel good.
How to practice unconditional permission to eat
Breaking the restriction mindset doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start with these steps:
- Stop the “Last Supper” eating. Stop telling yourself you’ll start a diet tomorrow. Nothing drives a binge like the promise of future deprivation.
- Keep some “forbidden” foods in the house. This can feel scary, but it’s essential. Prove to your brain that the food isn’t in scarce supply. Sometimes it can help to start with foods that rank a little lower on your “scary scale.”
- Eat with attention. When you do eat the cookie, sit down. Taste it. Enjoy it. Are you actually enjoying the fifth one as much as the first one? Often, the answer is no. When practicing this, it can help to choose a time when you’re feeling “neutral” — not quite hungry, but not full, either — and aren’t experiencing a lot of stress or strong emotions.
The bottom line
You can’t hate yourself into a version of yourself you love, and you can’t restrict your way to a peaceful relationship with food. As I often say to my clients, self-criticism is never an effective motivator for positive change. Rigid food rules always end up backfiring in one way or another.
If you’re tired of the tug-of-war with sugar, it might be time to drop the rope. Give yourself permission to have cookies, ice cream, and other desserts in your life. You might be surprised to find that when you stop fighting, the cravings stop fighting back.
Are you ready to stop obsessing over food and start living your life? As a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and registered Dietitian, I help clients navigate this sometimes scary but ultimately rewarding process. Click here [1] to schedule a free 20-minute Discovery Call to talk about your concerns and see if we’re a good fit.
Related posts
- Is eating without restrictions really different from binge eating? [2]
- Is your eating peaceful, or more like a battlefield? [3]
- How deprivation can make your eating feel out of control [4]
- Stuck in a holiday eating pendulum? [5]
- Can you really habituate to ‘forbidden’ foods? [6]
- How to start habituating to food [7]
- What does ‘food freedom’ mean? [8]
- The lasting harms of non-consensual dieting [9]
Disclaimer: All information provided here is of a general nature and is furnished only for educational purposes. This information is not to be taken as medical or other health advice pertaining to an individual’s specific health or medical condition. You agree that the use of this information is at your own risk.
Hi, I’m Carrie Dennett [10], MPH, RDN, a weight-inclusive registered dietitian, nutrition therapist and body image counselor. I offer compassionate, individualized care for adults of all ages, shapes, sizes and genders who want to break free from eating disorders, disordered eating or chronic dieting [11]. If you need to learn how to manage IBS symptoms [12] with food, or improve your nutrition and lifestyle habits [13] to help manage a current health concern or simply support your overall health and well-being, I help people with that, too.
Need 1-on-1 help for your nutrition, eating, or body image concerns? Schedule a free 20-minute Discovery Call [1] to talk about how I can help you and explore if we’re a good fit! I’m in-network with Regence BCBS, FirstChoice Health and Providence Health Plan, and can bill Blue Cross and/or Blue Shield insurances in many states. If I don’t take your insurance, I can help you seek reimbursement on your own. To learn more, explore my insurance and services areas page [14].