It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on my poor, long-suffering blog. Let me tell you about why that is, why that is about to change—and why I’m finally walking my talk.
Over the last few years, the number of balls I had in the air at any one time was becoming increasingly difficult to manage. There was my day job, seeing patients, which I loved. There were my ever-growing roster of regular freelance writing assignments, which I loved. There were my increasing number of speaking gigs, which I loved. Throw in the odd book-editing assignment—and the writing and publishing of my own book, and almost every non-sleep hour of my life was accounted for.
When too much of a good thing became too much
Seriously. I no longer had weekends. I rarely had an evening where I didn’t leave my husband to do the dinner dishes (bless him) while I headed into my home office to write or edit something. Cooking became a chore, because I no longer had time to “play” in the kitchen. I didn’t have time to exercise as much as I wanted to. I didn’t have time to read as much as I wanted to. My meditation practice stalled. I worked when we went to Paris. I worked when we went camping. I backed out of a trip to Yosemite with my husband because there was no electricity at the campsite (no electricity meant no laptop which meant no writing).
It was unsustainable, but I loved everything I was doing—how could I give some of it up? (One of my last new patients said to me a few weeks ago that she finally realized that when you have an overabundance of fulfilling work in your life, it may be “a good problem to have,” but it’s still a problem!)
This might hurt a bit
We came up with a solution, but it required things getting worse before they got better. We decided to sell the house we bought 13 years ago (or “cash out,” thanks to Seattle’s skyrocketing housing prices) and downsize so I could leave my day job. That led to a few intense months of getting the house ready to sell. Then came an extremely intense month moving out of our house (30 days from offer to closing). With two stories plus a basement, not only did we have space to accumulate a lot of things in 13 years (furniture, free weights and many, many, many books), but we had to haul them up and down a lot of stairs!
I’m not prone to anxiety (for which I count my blessings), but the past few months, the crushing weight of everything was making me feel like I was thisclose to having a panic attack. I was having trouble sleeping and I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants constantly. I was encouraging my patients to create some balance in their lives, when I had no balance of my own. I had become a hypocrite, and I deeply dislike hypocrisy.
All of this? Frankly, it sucked. Really sucked. But we kept moving forward, keeping our eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel (and feeling pretty confident that it wasn’t the light of an oncoming train).
Perseverance pays off
Today, I’m through the tunnel. Our house is in the hands of wonderful new owners. My day job is in the hands of someone new, who I felt totally confident in “turning over” my patients to. And I’ve cooked more in the past few days than I have in the past few months—even though it’s in a small rental apartment kitchen. (I’ll admit I’m missing my huge single-basin sink and restaurant-style faucet.) Meditation is a go, again, as are long daily walks. And yoga. And sleep…it feels so good to sleep properly again. Now if I can just let go of the guilt and anxiety when I (gasp) spend time doing nothing on a Saturday.
Next spring, we’ll start building a new, just-right-sized house (well, I won’t be actually building it, although I did design it). It will include a studio with dedicated space for creating video content (culinary and otherwise). To say I’m excited is an understatement, but I’m also deeply grateful that we have the ability to forge this new path.
Coming attractions
For the next few months, I’m focusing on writing, creating and planning. This includes updating this blog on the regular…and publishing a new issue of my e-magazine, which also fell victim to the back burner. After the New Year, I plan to open a small, virtual private practice. Beyond that, I have a lot of ideas (video, a podcast, members-only content), but they likely won’t unroll until mid-2019. Don’t worry…I’ll be keeping you posted.
